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written on 2005-03-22 @
12:43 a.m.
The Latest
It's been forever since I typed in a real entry. There has been so much to say and a lot of life to live. I've been writing a bit more on paper though--especially since my grandmother passed away. My trip to Texas to be there for her final days was powerful. I feel strange that I still haven't cried, but I am really just so happy for her. She was 87 and a tough old southern lady who loved to talk politics, poetry, music, current events, philosophy and more. To see her in the past several years and not really be able to have a conversation was rough. She lived to paint and she could no longer hold a brush. She lived to talk and debate and she could barely form a sentence. And she lived for music that she could no longer hear. Her writings are piled high in a sotage unit while family back home goes through them --my trusted eccentric aunt who understands clutter, piles,and the life ofthe mind scribbled everywhere rather than sewn into succinct packets like many writers do. Her look the last few years alternated between cynical and pleasant. I saw all sorts of messages. "Get me away from all these old people." "she is crazier than anyone at the table." "Can you beleive this shit?" "Why am I here?" The time before last she said, I love you." -- the first she had really said to anyone in a while. My guy was there with me. By some stroke of luck he was in the same town for a conference. It mattered deeply that I was not alone. I was proud to contribute to the obituary and that it was a joint effort with my mother--even more proud that she released hersef from planning a quick-turnaround funeral. She's the sandwich generation, caring for her mom and supporting a kid, taking care of my dad, all on a retirement salary plus the small pay she gets for being a very part time college professor. She deserved a rest--even someone attempting to be Superwoman does. Well, my insomnia is releasing it's grip. 
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Miss These?
Movie Rankings - 2005-08-09
Grandmother's Memorial - 2005-05-18
The Latest - 2005-03-22
Harvard Summers - 2005-03-17
Rainbow Brite - 2005-02-18
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